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The first girl, he said, was “a little too tall,” and the second girl was “a little too short.” Then he met my mom. Let’s look at how I do things, maybe with a slightly less important decision, like the time I had to pick where to eat dinner in Seattle when I was on tour last year.He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height (finally! First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust. Finally I made my selection: Il Corvo, an Italian place that sounded amazing. (It only served lunch.) At that point I had run out of time because I had a show to do, so I ended up making a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich on the bus.I still remember the early morning chill as we walked to meet with one of them every Tuesday morning.) But our mentor’s input put us at a much better place to work out and navigate challenges.During this time we had opportunities to serve together in church and do group hangouts.Towards the end of a two year friendship, we felt the sparks and individually made our way to our mentors. Why “check in” with your mentors/pastors, you might ask.At this time intentions have been declared, you know what you are doing and why you are doing it Tommy and I had been hanging out with a good friend of ours but we ditched them at this point : ) We still hang out in groups but we also spent time together. Ideally at this point, “the question” has been asked and the answer (a “yes”) given. The elaborateness does not begin on the wedding day itself, but long before when the groom-to-be visits the girl’s parents to declare his intentions for their girl. The visits and dowry negotiations can be drawn out and delicate and will often involve extended family members and friends.

Dating is something you do as a lifestyle, without any intentions, just for the fun of it.Courtship is rarely a solo experience, there’s always a whole bunch of eyes watching! You get to hang out in groups, do activities together, chat-up and observe one another in group settings.Tommy and I were friends for two years before we started going out “officially”.I checked the website Eater for its Heat Map, which includes new, tasty restaurants in the city. The stunning fact remained: it was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner.This kind of rigor goes into a lot of my decisionmaking.

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